I decided not to post this… but here we are. I told myself it wasn’t good enough. In actuality I was just scared. A reader saved it when she emailed about her own Impostor Syndrome. I sent her this post and she responded with this:

Well, here it goes…

[Update: Since posting this, there have been a ton of people commenting about their experiences with Impostor Syndrome, their stories might be even more helpful than the article itself. Definitely check them out.]

***

I’m a fraud and everyone is about to find out. I feel that every time I am about to share something. I feel that right now writing this: I don’t even have impostor syndrome. That’s how bad my impostor syndrome is. I even think I’m faking that. If it’s part of my life, it’s fake. What is impostor syndrome? It’s feeling like an impostor when you’re not. Like you’re a fraud and the whole world is going to find you out. This makes total sense for undercover agents and people selling snake oil. It doesn’t make so much sense for people who are trying to make the world a little better or to sell something they believe in.

The first step to feeling better about anything is to realize that famous people suffer the same thing. So here are some famous people with Impostor Syndrome:

bossypants-tina-fey“The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania and a complete feeling of: ‘I’m a fraud! Oh God, they’re on to me! I’m a fraud!’ So you just try to ride the egomania when it comes and enjoy it, and then slide through the idea of fraud.” – Tina Fey

“There are an awful lot of people out there who think I’m an expert.  How do these people believe all this about me?  I’m so much aware of all the things I don’t know.” Dr. Chan, Chief of the World Health Organization

“I still think people will find out that I’m really not very talented.  I’m really not very good.  It’s all been a big sham.” – Michelle Pfeifer

“Sometimes I wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot, and I think, I can’t do this.  I’m a fraud.” – Kate Winslett

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’ “ – Maya Angelou

Emma Watson, Sheryl Sandberg, and Sonia Sotomayor have also admitted to feeling like they’ll be found out for the frauds they are.

impostor lady

But wait, these are all women… Apparently this is mostly a problem for women. I don’t buy that though. I think that guys just won’t talk about it. Or at least that’s the story I’m going with. (I don’t want to be girly.) In searching for famous people with impostor syndrome I did find a couple males. Tom Hanks and Neil Gaiman (artists of course, but they’ll do):

“The first problem of any kind of even limited success is the unshakable conviction that you are getting away with something, and that any moment now they will discover you. It’s Impostor Syndrome, something my wife Amanda christened the Fraud Police.” – Neil Gaiman

Seth Godin wrote in The Icarus Deception that after a dozen best sellers he still feels like a fraud all the time. (I have a sneaking suspicion that Tim Ferriss suffers it too, just saying.) This problem is only getting worse as more of us rely on our online presences. We’re in this weird culture where you’ve got to sell yourself aggressively while remaining “authentic”. You think you need to be perfect but you also need to feel free to fail. You need to be yourself and more! It’s all set up to make you feel like a fraud. At the end of this post I’m going to issue a challenge. If you don’t feel like reading anything else, skip down and do the thing with me! Here are the ways I keep going when I feel like a fraud: i have no idea what im doing

21 Ways To Overcome Impostor Syndrome

1. Come off it. Usually I feel like a fraud when I think I’m more important than I am. When you feel like a fraud it’s in relation to some perfection that never actually existed. Letting go of some of your excess self-importance will go a long way in helping you feel less like a fake.

2. Accept that you have had some role in your successes. We feel like frauds because we are “unable to internalize our successes”. We were given an opportunity that others weren’t. And so nothing we achieve after that opportunity was actually deserved.

John D. Rockefellar’s oldest son suffered that bad. His entire life’s work was giving away money that his dad made. Can you imagine the intense impostor syndrome he must have felt? Holy moly.

There are plenty of people born with a silver spoon that still manage to f*#$ up. They were given every opportunity and never could take advantage of them. Opportunities come to those who expose themselves to them.

It’s not all “fair”, not at all. But you did do something to get where you are. You said yes when you could have said no (or, maybe more challenging, you said no when you could have said yes.)

3. Focus on providing value. I feel like a fraud when I’m concerned about myself. What will they think of me? If I fail they’ll shun me. I don’t know as much as that other guy, I have no right to say anything on the topic. Blah blah blah. The fastest way to get over feeling like a fraud is to genuinely try to help someone else

This is hard because what if they hate you for it? What if they make fun of you for trying to help? What if your sincerity is smashed under the laughter of others? Then OUCH! That hurts bad. Not nearly as bad as it hurts to feel like a shell of yourself though. I remember the first time I wrote vulnerably. I had gone through severe depression and had benefitted from reading about others being depressed. I felt obligated to share my story. I did. It’s a couple years later now and I still get emails telling me how helpful the letter was to them. Not one person made fun of me for that. At least to my face.   humility cs lewis 4. Keep a file of people saying nice things about you. I just started this earlier this year and it’s been amazing. Every time someone writes that I helped them online I take a screenshot and put it in my folder. When I feel like a fraud I can go look through the stories of people I have helped. There is a mom who’s 18 year old boy was shaken out of being stuck because of something I had written. There are a whole series of entrepreneurs who started businesses because of articles I’ve written. There are successful entrepreneurs that were reinvigorated by something I wrote. There are a whole slew of people at rock bottom who have found life worth living again because of something I wrote. Those things keep me putting stuff out there. Because, honestly, it’s easy to forget that writing can do any good. Collect your wins, testimonials, whatever and then visit them when you’re feeling like a fraud. impostor graph 5. Stop comparing yourself to that person. There’s no good reason for you to be reading what I’m writing. There are world class biographies of Warren Buffett, John D. Rockefeller, and Einstein. James Altucher has had more successes than me. Peter Thiel just wrote a book. Tim Ferriss, Paul Graham, Kevin Kelly… these guys blog! But still, I’m writing this because I think I have something to offer. Actually, when I look at my praise file I have proof that I have something to offer.

When I compare myself to these others it’s easy to fall into the trap of “my life sucks compared to that life”. You might as well not even do anything! Your life isn’t the best life! Emerson said, “Envy is ignorance…” and he was right on. You aren’t here to live the life of another person. You’re here to do whatever life you can. Turn Facebook off, get off Instagram, stop reading biographies of “successful” people and learn to respect your own experience. You’re not a fraud, you’re just you.

6. Expose yourself totally. Part of the twisted arrogance that causes impostor syndrome is the (usually unconscious) belief that you have extreme powers that the world couldn’t handle. Or maybe it’s just that you think you are a freak. You certainly have the ability to offer the world something that nobody else can… but really it’s not that wild! You are not nearly as much of a freak as you think you are. Again, come off it, you’re just not that special.

Do this: write for 30 minutes the most insane things about yourself. You will never show anybody this. Write your most ridiculous beliefs, your most terrible thoughts, your biggest fraud! Just write gibberish if you think that is crazy. Push into the deepest taboos you hold. Seeing these on paper doesn’t get rid of them but externalizing things puts them in a more sane perspective.

I have a gay friend. Everyone knew he was gay. He spent years not telling anyone. He spent a huge chunk of his life without expressing himself. If the world knew he was gay everything would be over. “So, I’m gay,” he told me. Big surprise. “Okay,” I told him. The next month I saw him he was living a totally different life. There was some kind of rusty wheel in him that was now spinning freely. His eyes shone with life. He was energetic and positive. All just from letting down his guard for a minute. science girl 7. Treat the thing as a business/experiment. Today there is a whole slew of artist-entrepreneurs. We call part of what we do “content creation”. There has never been a time in history where so many people have a “voice”. No wonder we’re all suffering from impostor syndrome.

Start treating even your art as a business. Not to the point that you start making crap because it’s what people like, but to the point that you are honestly serving the market. In a business, if a product doesn’t sell, you stop making it.

If nobody shares this post or leaves comments then I’ll assume that nobody wants to hear me talk about impostor syndrome—so I’ll stop. I won’t wallow in my failure and think the world hates me.

I’m running a test. Looking at it this way makes it easier to create the thing freely.

8.  Say “It’s Impostor Syndrome” and it immediately becomes a little less terrible.

9. Remember: being wrong doesn’t make you a fake. The best basketball players miss most of the shots they take. The best traders lose money on most trades. Presidents are wrong about stuff all the time. The best football teams inevitably lose.

Losing is just part of the game. Don’t glorify failure, but don’t let it make you feel like you’re not a real contender either.

10.  “Nobody Belongs Here More Than You” <<That’s the title of a book I haven’t read, but I agree with it. Why do we feel we don’t deserve to be in the game? Because we haven’t won it yet? We haven’t even tried! Break people down into what they are: expiring meat sacks.

We are all going to die, we just take different routes to get there. One of the most attractive qualities in a person is acceptance.

Acceptance of themselves and acceptance of you.

Not in the surrendering kind of way, in the “seeing clearly” kind of way. If you can admit that nobody belongs here more than you (while maintaining the belief that you don’t belong here any more than anyone else) you will find yourself making connections with people in powerful ways. imposter heart 11. Realize that when you hold back you’re robbing the world. If you walk around feeling that you should be someone else or that you don’t deserve to be here then all your crappy vibes rub off on other people. Your stunted expression means that you can’t be there for people who need you.

Everyone has doubts, the best gift you can give the world is to move forward regardless of the doubts—because it gives us the permission to move forward as well.

12. You’re going to die. Do you want to be on your deathbed regretting that you spent your entire life stopping yourself because you felt like a fraud? Maybe you can’t shake the feeling that you’re a fraud. You can force yourself to move forward despite the feeling.

13.  Stream-of-conscious writing. I suggested something similar in #1. This is aimless though. Do this: write for 30+ minutes nonstop. You can’t put your pen down. If there is no thought in your head then write “I can’t think of anything” until you do. This will constantly put you in touch with what’s going on inside yourself.

It will show you how silly the impostor syndrome is. It’s awesome.

14. Say what you can. We are often put in the position of “expert”. When this happens people look at you like you should know everything about a topic. We can’t know everything about anything though. If I’m in a situation where there is potential to actually be a fraud—ie bullshit about things I don’t know—I just say what I can instead. People respect this much more. Admit that you don’t yet have the answer but you’ll find it.

Admit that you haven’t found the perfect solution but you’ve come close enough.

i have no idea what im doing

the second time for good measure!

15. Realize that nobody knows what they’re doing. Most startups fail. Even the ones that you hear about raising millions of dollars fail all the time. Nobody knows exactly what’s going on. There are a ton of people who will tell you they know the answers. These people are liars.

The world we live in is the result of a lot of brave people tinkering, failing, and succeeding once in a while. Nobody knows what’s next: some are willing to play ball in the face of uncertainty and some aren’t. You’re not an impostor for trying something that might not work. You’re a hero.

16. Take action. Impostor Syndrome lives in abstraction. It is impossible for it to survive when you’re taking action. Taking action proves that you’re not a fraud. It tests your mettle in the real world.

Impostor Syndrome cannot do damage to the person who consistently takes action. (You still might feel it every once in a while but you won’t let it stop you.)

17. Realize that you are never you. You’re constantly changing. You’re constantly becoming a new person. Your opinions change with new information (I hope). You spend 6 months eating donuts and then you spend 6 months at the gym. Last year you were obsessed with Call of Duty, now you don’t understand video games. Maybe you were in a terrible mood this morning. Maybe you’re a bit brighter now.

“There is as much difference between us an ourselves as there is between us and others.” – Michel de Montaigne

You are growing into something different. You are getting better. How? By trying to do something better than you actually can. That’s not a lie, that’s valor. authenticity hoax18. Authenticity is a hoax. What is being authentic? I’m not going to write to my grandma using the same words as I use to write to my sister. I’m not even going to emphasize the same interests I have.

If I’m selling security systems, I’m not going to pitch a Mormon the way I pitch a rock star. It just wouldn’t make sense. There is no person you can be other than you. Ever. The impostor syndrome will have you believe that you are being inauthentic. That you are a liar. If that’s true then where is your true self!?

The impostor syndrome doesn’t give an answer because it doesn’t have one. Tell it to eff off.

19. See credentials for what they are. They don’t mean much. “Expert” means someone decided to call them that. “PhD” doesn’t mean someone knows more than you, it means they spent more time in school about you. (And actually do know way more than you about some uselessly specific topic.)

“As seen in The Wall Street Journal” means they knew how to use HARO. Don’t measure yourself by credentials. It takes the focus away from actually doing good things. And it won’t shut up the impostor syndrome for long either.

20. Find one person you can say, “I feel like a fraud” to. Being able to say that out loud to another person can be a huge help. Especially when they laugh at you for it.

21. Faking things actually does work. Sometimes faking it doesn’t make you a fraud. If you smile your body will be more generous with happy chemicals and actually make you happier. Neuroplasticity means that you can shape your brain by pretending.

When you were a baby you tried to walk and fell down every time. Were you a walking impostor? Who are you to walk!? You can’t even do it! It’s absurd!

Silicon Valley has been built by people trying to do things that probably weren’t going to work. We need them to keep trying. We need you to keep trying. We need you. Whether you feel like an impostor or not. impostor syndrome cartoon

Impostor Syndrome: The Challenge

You have the opportunity right this very instant to overcome your impostor syndrome. This is what we’re going to do. A Blog Confessional of sorts.

Write in the comments one thing you’ve avoided because you feel like a fraud. (If this is too much, you can email me… commenting will be more powerful though.) You can even stay anonymous if you want. Maybe you haven’t started that blog because you feel that you couldn’t do it as well as the people already blogging about a topic. Maybe you haven’t started your business because you don’t think you’re an “entrepreneur”. Maybe you haven’t talked to that pretty girl/guy. I don’t know. There are all sorts of thing. I’ll give you mine in a second.

**BONUS ROUND** Do something about it! If you don’t know what to do, I’ll give you a suggestion. The comment itself will be a huge step for sure. It’ll be even more huge to take the thing head on. grad school impostor

If you’re looking for a guide to take action I put together this awesome course on taking action!

Check out The Action Course – Learning the Art of Doing

Overthinker's guide to taking action

Author

Kyle Eschenroeder

Thanks for taking the time to read this! Let me know what you think - the good, the bad, the ugly - in the comments below.

I'm an entrepreneur (more in the StartupBros About Page) in St. Petersburg, FL

  • Alice says:

    I have pretty intense imposter syndrome. I can’t take compliments, I value all of my accomplishments and accolades as something I got either through luck, or by working really hard and therefore not actually having succeeded through merits of my ability. Failure doesn’t mean much to me though, so this mindset is just my way of life – it doesn’t make me depressed or anything. I feel like if anyone thinks I’m intelligent, it’s because I’ve just gotten really good at convincing them for my benefit, not because I actually am the things they think.
    This didn’t become a huge problem until I started dating someone, and I felt like my feelings for him weren’t real, like I was only convincing him of one more thing about me. I felt like a fraud, like I was going to have to end it because I can’t go on with him believing something about me that I felt like I was faking, but I couldn’t hurt him either. Once I realized that this was my imposter syndrome at work, I understood that because I’m having imposter feelings about him, there have to be real feelings underneath them, and that I really do, actually, love him, and they’re not fake. I’m so relieved.

  • Maria says:

    I was born and got my degree in Brasil, was a professor in the University, came to Germany, got a PhD, live in Italy now, speak 5 languages, gave a lecture in a German University last October and….I feel like a fraud…

  • WK says:

    I constantly grew at work. I was at the same company for 13 years and was promoted every two years until I ran the biggest unit in the business and was respected by all.

    Throughout that time I managed to get by with introversion, severe depression and a crippling fear of public speaking which is a necessary part of the job.

    My position was safe but the company was a bit stagnant and I was headhunted by a bigger firm for a bigger role. I felt like an imposter in the interviews but got the job.

    It went badly from the beginning; a combination of the culture, my boss and most importantly; my own internal issues. I started ignoring problems, focussed on minutiae and all of the depression, OCD, Imposter syndrome overwhelmed me. I ended up becoming a shell of myself to the point where I couldn’t make a decision with any confidence.

    After a head to head with the boss I quit and because I had a long notice period I was put on restricted leave meaning I had a few months off paid.

    I used this time for meditation, reading and relaxing but soon lapsed into old ways of thinking. I managed to get a contracting gig with a very well respected company. They want me to become permanent, I have a couple of other big options too and I am scared to take any of them because I am worried that I will fail immediately. Reading the above and not knowing me makes it look like I must be good at what I do and I sort of know that I am but constantly get that feeling. I definitely have the swing of knowing I can do it all through to not being able to introduce myself in a meeting. The swings make it so tough but I agree that the only answer is through action and I am a terrible procrastinator too.

    Writing this comment has helped. Thanks for sharing this article Kyle – it is very helpful and I’ll come back to it many times I am sure. Action is the key!

  • Heather Anne says:

    I lost a job to my “imposter syndrome”. Except I don’t like to call it that. Never have. Only recently did I discover that “The ‘I don’t belong’ Mindset” feels much better.

    Ever since I started my first job, I felt like I didn’t belong there. That I wasn’t good enough, that they deserved better than me, and I will admit, it pushed me to work harder, and my employers liked that about me. But it made things worse because I kept thinking “they think I have a good work ethic but I’m just terrified for my job.”
    I’ve been lucky enough to have only had two jobs (and one summer internship) in my young adult life, but my in my first job, I worked so hard to “keep up”, terrified that they would start thinking I was a bad employee and they would chastise me or get rid of me. Honestly, I don’t know which is worse. I take chastisement so badly, even the thought of it gives me severe anxiety. But I began to hate my job. I loved my coworkers more than anything, but I hated what I was doing. But I was so terrified to let them down, I kept working, and kept pushing myself, until eventually, I think I just gave up, and made a pretty large mistake that cost all of us.
    It didn’t cost too horrendously, but the fact I got everyone in trouble weighed down so hard on me. My coworkers were asking me what happened, and why I seemed so different lately. They worried for my health. But all I could think of was how I let them down. I left there, a few weeks after that, that mistake weighing on my shoulders. After that, I spent the next few months jobless, staying with my parents and being their housekeeper. But that gave me a lot of time to pray and recover myself, and to tell myself “Hey, you’re not a freak. You’re a decent human being and these people really do love you.” I wrote complements that I knew I received often down on sticky notes, and put them all on my mirror. I even wrote myself a few complements. I still go back and look at them now to remind myself.
    I still deal with these things. Even at my current job I’m always worried someone is looking over my shoulder, and stressing when I don’t immediately have any work to do, and think people will see me and think I’m a slacker. I’m still working through it, and it still gives me anxiety, but I’m working through it. I’m better than before, and I’m hoping to continue to improve.

  • Deborah says:

    Even after completing my doctorate, I still feel like a fraud. I thought this would help, as if the other degrees hanging on my wall weren’t enough. I applied and interviewed for a higher position at my college several years ago, and didn’t get the job. The posting opened up again, and I feel that there is no way I can apply and be exposed as an imposter again. Everyone says I’m crazy and I have to go for it. I can’t even deal with the thought that comes along with that fear of failure and exposure. I instantly feel like I’m going to throw up when I think about it. Tomorrow I’m presenting a poster at a conference and this old feeling is creeping in, crippling me as I think of ways to call in sick. I wish this wouldn’t keep holding me back.

  • Destini says:

    Hello,

    Kind of funny, I already felt like I was being a fraud by trying to relate to everyone else’s comments on here but not really deserving to. I feel like I’m just trying to make excuses for my attitude or my failures just so I don’t have to take responsibility for myself. It’s weird, because people in my life would probably describe me as someone with the greatest confidence and not shy at all. I always crack jokes, and especially try to flaunt a “don’t-give-a-f***” attitude, especially about the things that I am the most insecure about.

    I flaunt my confidence despite every moment of my life focusing on my insecurities.

    I preach independence but exist completely dependent on the validation of others.

    I acknowledge my flaws and that I have the power to change, and then do nothing to actually change them.

    I just began my first year of law school and was lucky enough to receive a full tuition scholarship. Even though I know deep down I should recognize that I must have played some role in my success, I cannot help but feel that I just got lucky. I believe that I only got this far because I am a minority and I was only accepted because I’m black, not actually because I’m good enough to be here. I constantly do things and act a certain way because I want to give people a reason to doubt me. That way whenever I’m a failure, I’m not a disappointment. But if I succeed, I exceeded someones expectations and proved someone wrong. Also, because its easier to believe that people doubt me because they don’t actually know what I am capable of, than to acknowledge that people doubt me because I really am not capable. I feel like I don’t deserve to have certain opportunities because people are always going to be better than me, but I am cheating my way to get ahead because I get to swipe my “minority” and “disadvantaged” and “affirmative action” card.

  • Alberto says:

    a Video Blog of my spiritual journey. In fact I started to post videos a few days go but not sharing anything yet…
    Fund-raising because I feel “I’m not ready yet” although I have a product, a team, a client and revenues. The truth is I’m scare to face investor’s rejection 🙁

  • Lily says:

    My impostor syndrome is pretty new, about a year. I feel like when I’m doing my best at work, I say or act in a certain way and I worry that people are going to think I’m fake. I don’t believe I am because I am sure to be following the right path for my life. But I still fear that they think otherwise and that they hate me and want me to fail. It puts me on a crazy stress and on-the-edge type of mood. Which makes me believe even more that they think I’m fake.

    I’m not sure what to do but just doing my best.

  • Nurselady says:

    Wow i don’t know where to start. Okay so first, I’ll start with my educational background. I graduated from high school a full year early (and I was the first person in my school to have done that), I graduated 4 years later with my associates degree in nursing, then finished my bachelors in 10 more months, then my masters in nursing in 4 months (yes, months). my friends and family all think I’m a genius and constantly praise me for my accomplishments, but all I see is a failure who didn’t deserve those degrees. The truth is, I think I’m just good at school, but a failure at being a nurse. I was too afraid to start work as a nurse due to low confidence and so I started my first job in hospice (where i’ve been ever since) because even after these years, I’m still too fearful of working in any other type of nursing. I chose hospice because I thought it was the least intense of all other nursing types. I’m mainly afraid of speaking to doctors, patients and families when they ask questions and i dont have the answers for them because i’m supposed to be the “expert”. I honestly hate having the title I do because everyone wants to ask me health questions and I never know what to tell them. Lately I’ve been battling with myself between going to nurse practitioner school in hopes I learn more and can finally put this imposter syndrome behind me, or to stop trying to prove something to myself and everyone else and just accept myself for who I am. Deep down, I think I only want to be a nurse practitioner to make others proud and to boost my own confidence, but in reality, I think it’ll only make it harder on me since I can’t even bring myself to apply to a medsurg unit. Basically, do I try and go for it with the chance that it could make me better, or don’t do it because there’s a chance it could make me worse? I honestly think I have the brains for it, but my problem is that I don’t have the confidence in myself to have that kind of authority and leadership, even though everyone around me thinks I do.

  • Marco says:

    I have been suffering from this my entire life! I always wanted to be a pediatric surgeon, but I was not given the best guidance during med school. There were a handful of people who flat out told me I was not good enough for it. Initially I brushed it off, but it became so ingrained in my thoughts that I started believing it. Long story short–I became a doctor and am now in the final months of pediatrics training. I have been told by numerous doctors that I am doing an excellent job. In fact, many have commented that I am particularly good at doing procedures (ex: suturing) and that I would be a great surgeon. It got me thinking that maybe I should apply to surgery. The only thing preventing me from doing so is the fear that maybe I’m not good enough and I just happened to become a doctor by chance. I know this sounds illogical since I treat patients every day and they’re fine. But I still constantly find myself underestimating my abilities. What’s strange is that I feel more comfortable working in the ED or hospital, and it’s only when I’m at home that I feel the thoughts of being a fraud. But I think it’s time I stop this toxic thought process and do what I have always wanted. I will go ahead and apply for surgery this year. For anyone who took the time to read this, I sincerely thank you.