I used to be a self-help fiend...they all helped in their small way, i always got the euphoria of feeling accomplished, but a few days later crashed and started asking myself, "what do i do now?" Before reading this article, I realized the actions i needed to take and am now taking them. I feel if it wasn't for the books, I would've never got on the entrepreneurial path, but on the flip side, reading too much caused me to be inactive. Remember: reading is okay, but reading about doing something and actually doing it are two very different things.
49 Comments (page 1)
Amen! That's awesome you saw and adjusted that in yourself - congrats!!
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I love your blog so keep up great posts. This post applies to me. I'm guilty to seeking self help books in the past. However, I have been very successful in real estate without ever seeking out a real estate guru. My achievements have been in being logical about which real estate markets were profitable, learning all about local tenant laws and mortgage approvals. Finally I was successful because I ACTED to buy my first property while others were twirling their thumbs and saying it was too risky or too much work. #2 Teach you to lie to yourself I'm pragmatic, not optimistic. My rental success blossomed as a result of being realistic about human nature and following rigid rental policies for my tenants. Most real estate gurus operate on the idea that Murphy's law does not exist. I plan for the worst when buying real estate and make sure I have healthy emergency fund to weather a storm. No money down investments require a ton of luck. #3 Ignoring reality Very true that people don't acutally want the dream life that they fantasize. Their real dream life tend to be much more achievable if they put more effort into thinking of what they actually would want. I'm living my dream life right now. #4 Gurus up-sell Up-selling is their business model, not what they are trying to teach. Most real estate gurus got wealthy by entirely different ways then what they are promoting and most suckers don't realize this. A previous co-worker wanted to buy an investment property but he had spent most of his down payment on a Rich Dad Poor Dad seminar. He still believed that it was a worthwhile course because he had so much "inside information" on real estate yet he had nothing to show for.
So right! You gain some amazing insights with reading, but it is important to find a balance between learning and trying/putting int action. I learn a lot of possibilities with reading, only through action do I know what works. Hope you enjoyed the article!
If you sign up for his newsletter, Will closes the email with: "...I hope that if you have any questions relating to building online businesses, I'd be the FIRST person you'd go to! Remember, YOU are the very reason this community exists and I want to hear from you! In fact, you can hit "Reply" to this email and talk to me right now! DO IT!" Unfortunately, that's very far from the truth. I took Will's suggestion of replying with a few questions I had, only to receive no response from Will, even after following up several times. Will is a great salesman, but is completely disingenuous with the promises he makes to his readers. UNSUBSCRIBE.
Apologies my friend - I am just catching up from holiday travels! It is my mistake for not setting up a vacation auto-responder. You should be seeing a reply sometime today, I have a huge amount of replies to go through and this is only my 2nd day back to electronics :) Sorry to lose you, Will
Thank you so much Goldeneer! You're living your dream life NOW! Those Rich Dad courses can be quite persuasive lol - it's good info but nothing beats the action needed. Sounds like your friend should have just talked to you!
Hey Goldeneer, couldn't agree with your points here more - seems like we have had similar experiences! Love your website by the way, I sent an email over a few weeks ago.
this is a very good information.it helped me.thank u.
Thanks for commenting, Sahel!
Great read, I realized that even before I started reading self help books, I was accomplishing a lot of my goals and dreams by just following my own instincts. Lately I have been overwhelmed with so much information that I ended up not accomplishing so much. I am going back to the basics and letting the universe guid me through my goals and walk of life just like I did before. Trusting my own instincts and guts!
Great Arthur!! Godspeed!
"Think of a horrible thing that happened to you, then write down five good things that came out of the experience." What about child abuse, rape, or having a loved one killed in Iraq?!
The worse the thing is the harder to find the golden lining. I'm not saying be glad the bad things happened. The suggestion is to realize that you are who you are because of what's happened to you. Your strengths may have come from struggle. I suggest Malcolm Gladwell's new book "David and Goliath" to give you a stronger case for the hidden advantages of disadvantage. (Of course, sometimes there aren't any...)
"Of course, sometimes there aren't any..." Well, it's a good thing you admit that. Some people actually turn out much worse and unhealthy because of bad things that happened to them. I believe that "Silver Lining Syndrome" is society's way of expecting everyone to be "the perfect copers," which is highly unrealistic and trivializing. Then again, maybe you just don't know that much about PTSD. :(
Great article, we have the same perspectives to the world, i guess we've passed through the same roads. i hate how some people to reach success they step over others, living the dream through selling the dream. in fact this shameful method is proven several times to become rich but there's another way. empowering people through honest leadership.
Great Article man!! This is article rescued me from self help addiction Thanks
sweet :)
Thank you for putting a giant smile on my face and reminding me what life is all about. I nearly forgot that I'm in charge of my life and as long as I don't hurt anyone else I can do whatever I like and be whoever I want to be.
If ever I needed to read something, it was this. Thank you. Seriously, thank you.
I'm so glad you found it! I'm curious though, how did you find it?
I am so glad to find your article.☺️ Actually, I thought that I am the only one to suffer these things. Thank you soooo much☺️??
Oh my gosh this is exactly what I needed to read right now. I typed in "too much self help" (addicted to self healing showed no results) and this was the first site on the list. I have been on self healing journey for almost 10 years...most of the energy spiritual new age stuff in the past 4 years. I'm left with no job, no money...in a ton of debt, no friends, heaviest weight I've been in 12 years....and out of steam. Just when I thought I was done with something, I'd find a new modality of healing or a new healer or psychic. Healers telling me I'm not grounded, my chakras are blocked, etc. the more healing I sought, the more emotional depressed and agitated I got, as it was harder to work, the less money I had, the more debt I went into, and more I ate to calm myself down. The last healer I went to, I started feeling I couldn't do it anymore. I asked myself if I really needed to keep experiencing the suffering, the pain.. Did I really need to visit every dark corner of my being? Every past experience conscious or unconscious? So I stopped. I thought I was done. At the same time, I had found neurofeedback ...a scientific way to balance myself, feel better. Neuroptimal by zengar....rave reviews no side effects..it's like deleting old files you don't need anymore. Great I thought...I can fast track the healing and be done it with it soon. But I never felt better. I started gaining some inner awareness, really seeing how I ran outside of myself for healing every time the inner storm hit...but could see no one can help me I have to be with it, let it pass. I'd have headaches, I was suicidal..so scary that I was so clear on it that that was what I had to do...I was irritable angry all wound up....and tired all the time. Then it felt like I'd been hit by a stun gun...walking around like a zombie. My inner voice screaming to stop, please stop. But I was so scared to stop, to trust this voice. This has been the pattern. I became so dependant on others...looking for others to fix me, heal me, soothe me....I lost myself entirely. This last form of healing was hard to stop...it is science after all...my brain waves being corrected so my brain is more efficient. Got second and third opinions and they all said I shouldn't be feeling this way, it should work. But the point is it wasn't, at least not how it's advertised. How can it be possible there are no adverse effects?! Not all brains/people are the same...what if I was an exception to the rule?! But it's science...so maybe I'm wrong and I need more sessions more time. But I can't afford it at all! Then I started looking up addictions to healing...came across article that addictions were a form of running from self. I'm learning my lessons are self reliance, self trust, self acceptance, self love. What if my journey, my path is one where I must learn my happiness can only come from within...the practices, the work, the actions I take are the route to my healing and feeling better? Because searching outside myself, doing nothing, lost in this spiritual world and not living in this physical reality has cost me everything, leaving me dysfunctional, lonely, poor. So I prayed just an hour ago to my angels to give me a sign to validate what I was thinking...feeling...that it's time to start doing, living, the work I need to do to get my life in order. That even this science is a block to myself. And I found this post. Which affirmed everything i had feeling and sensing."even science can get in the way when it robs us of self trust. " I went way too far down the rabbit hole. A hole that goes on forever and I'm so lucky I was able to see that and now start climbing back out. Thank you thank you thank you for this blog!!!!!!!! You have helped me save my life and take the step away from my addiction to healing and towards myself.
You lost me at "methinks", what's up with that?
The secret is, You don't need fixing, no one does. This industry wrecked my life and took away what should have been the best years of it too because I was conned just like you. I was conned into thinking that my life was not complete and that I wasn't either. Before I ever read anything in this industry I had belief in myself and those charlatans took that away from me, which was more than any amount of money I can think of. From reading your post I can see that you have lost yourself over the years just like I did, because when your self worth becomes dependant on someone or something else you lose the most precious thing that is worth more than a gold mine and that is you......Yes...The same thing happened to me. Get it into your head, you don't need anyone else to heal you. These people just want your money, nothing else.
This industry we are talking about here is very addictive. I was approached by conmen who recommended a self help book to me to make myself more successful than I actually was and that set me off on a spiral of addiction that took many years of my life away from me. I know I may sound over the top and bitter but these people are in the exact same class as fraudsters and con artists. If you don't believe me anyone reading this post then ask yourselves one key question here. OUT OF ALL THE SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE YOU PERSONALLY KNOW, OR ANY WEALTHY PERSON IN THE PUBLIC EYE, HOW MANY OF THEM HAVE CONTRIBUTED ANY OF THEIR SUCCESS DOWN TO THE SELF HELP INDUSTRY ? I asked myself this question recently, and that is when I saw that the holes in these people get bigger and I saw every hole as well. We are each capable of making a success of our lives if we have one simple thing; A PLAN............... Not exactly rocket science is it ?
Damn it.. NR. 7 hit me like a train.. . This article opened my eyes so much. Although self-help and self-development has helped me a lot in understanding certain things, it became an addiction for several months when instead of taking action everyday, i would read and watch videos on self-help until i ended up DOING LESS WORK THEN I DID WHEN I ORIGINALLY FOUND SELF-HELP. ---ACTION--- Is the KEY. WORK HARD in implementing the information provided by self-help, DO NOT PROCRASTINATE. self-help is a tool, not a lifestyle. use it wisely.. for me the worst thing would be to get old, to be on the death bed, knowing i've watched and read TONS of material on self-help without actually working hard , getting experiences in real life and Enjoying life overall. Thank you for this article!
Self-help makes you feel worse. Yes, it is supposed too. In a good way. That pain helps us to change. Especially since nobody wants to change. Yeah. Let’s be honest here. If given the choice of whether to change and remain constant – even Newton’s Law says – people will remain in their current state. Change is hard and painful. It takes work. So until the pain of not changing over shadows the pain of changing – people WILL NOT CHANGE. See how feeling worse helps us? See how the first step of gutap – feel your feelings – now helps us? What you focus on expands. If you only focus on what you feel without helping yourself through it then the depression only just gets worse. Focus on feeling your feelings to do something about it instead. Then you get through it. We feel our feelings. Acknowledged what was happening. Then we can feel the emotion powering this limiting belief. If you want to change your feelings, you have to feel your feelings. Here is a short process that took me forever to figure out that guarantees change of any limiting belief we had programmed in to us. Sometimes this next step can be very touchy to people. I only mention it because it works. The example I like to start with is that forgiveness cures anger. If someone is angry and they forgive them then their anger dissolves away. It is not repressed or denied. It is simply gone. It takes emotion to resolve emotion. This is the basis of gutap. And the best anger management there is around. And remember, forgiveness is not trust. Trust must be earned – forgiveness is only to free ourselves from being tied to them. False beliefs or negative programming simply has a couple of powerful negative emotions that keep the false concept controlling us. Dissolve them and the false belief is completely diminished. So how does it work? When someone is angry they naturally direct their feeling of forgiveness into their feeling of anger. The two emotions must connect to be resolved. False beliefs though often have a couple of emotions that have to work together. Complicated but not impossible. Gutap – The three steps described: 1 – Feel the feeling of your limiting belief. If you want to change your feelings you have to feel them. (Everyone already knows this step.) 2 – Insight: Find what the positive answer is that it actually wants you to know. What does your limited belief want you to know that is positive? What is the good thing it wants for you but trying in a negative way? (A slight shift on the insight people are seeking.) 3 – Connect the feeling of what it wants you to know and let the feeling of that answer flow into the feeling of your limiting belief to change it. The positive feelings changes it – not you. That is as simply as I can put it. Gutap by Toby Jensen (just google for more)
I've been a self-help junkie all my adult life (I'm 61 this year) and I've come to the rather belated conclusion that if something doesn't work I should stop doing it! For me, self-help books are no different to booze, drugs or self-harm. They offer a way out of the misery of your reality and the fact that they don't solve anything can pass you by for decades. My main problem in putting their principles into practise is that you are always supposed to 'feel' something. 'Feel like you would if you already had the thing that you want' is a common exhortation. Well, if I had the thing I wanted I'd feel just the way I do now. Depressed, but with a new thing. Lying to myself about how I feel, or listing all the good things in my life changes nothing. Our parents and grandparents just got on with their lives - lousy as they might have been. Only this present generation seems to imagine that life should be rosy and everyone should be a millionaire and no-one should be unhappy. Going forward I intend to chuck the books and get back in touch with reality. Life is hard. It is unpleasant. And no amount of psychological snake oil is going to change that fact.
Great article, needed to read something that convincing to stop coping with my problems by reading self-help books. You're absolutely right about the book on weight lifting that is not quite the same as actual practice. The funny deal is that we don't have that much self-help in France and I managed to find myself buying books from the US and ended up understanding it became my new addiction. You're really making a point with this article. Thanks so much. BTW self-help did help me at some point, until I ended up lying to myself and pursuing goals that weren't mine. Thanks again guys.
I actually googled is self help bad for you? Yours was the very first article. Thank you so much! Time to start taking action!!
Hazel I don't know where you are now but I know exactly what you have been through and I hope you're out of the new age cage. At least you eventually saw what was happening. Theyre mind cults. I am glad to be gone and this is what i want to help people with myself.
In 1998 I threw every self help book I'd ever bought into a big plastic bin for a garage sale and stuck a sign on it that said 'FREE'. Best thing I ever did.
Hi Kyle, i am still looking for a solution to my problem and decided to have a look at what you have to say for yourself thinking i might find what i am looking for. Sadly it;s not there. i have tried and still do nearly eveything you advise us to do. I agree with you on one thing and that is self help books are rubbish! trust me, they help no one. i have been reading them since 1978. They all write the same old stuff. Same meat different gravy. If someone turns to a self help book or goes online looking for a life coach they are after one thing. a solution to their problem, but the solution is never there. if someone asks you about wanting a new car or house they expect you to deliver, not offer daft ideas and half baked suggestions. If all you can do is offer daft ideas and half baked suggestions then it means you don't know what to tell them put it another way, you are in the wrong job. the point of the help out there is to do that help, but we never see it. Another area self help books are keen on is to tell us we are responsible for our own lives. It's telling me what i already know. How do you know? What makes you think that i am responsible for my life? I will tell you now, my life has got nothing to do with me. what i do, what i think about is not the same as the life i am living. It's just as logical to say there is a latent force at work that we have yet to understand controlling us. The world is stranger place we live in than what you think my friend. Take care Chris
Well, my experiences with Self-Helps Books is something that I not dare to say, cause I am a psychotic. But I want to ask, what do you thinks about these guys and their works, are they just fall into the "Self-Help Gurus" categories or something more + Tony Robbins + Stephen Covey + Dale Carnegie + Napoleon Hill + Brendon Burchard + Jack Canfield
I like what you say. My opinion on being happy is that you tell yourself you are. You programme yourself to be happy. Doesn't matter what's going on.
Sounds like you don't want a solution to what you're looking for. I'm guessing you're terribly afraid inside to change and may not even know that. I expect my opinion will have a negative effect on you as well. I hope you are able to be happy.
Read them all perhaps don’t need to read anymore of them.
Really like this article, everything in moderation.
Thumbs up! I have read so many self help books and gone to plenty of self help stuff. A lot of it is excellent but there came a point where I got it, grateful for the knowledge but it was time to put into practice what I learned. I can still hear the voices of the motivators in my head. It takes a lot of will power for me not to think I am missing out on some gold nuggets in another book or CD. I came across this article and just want to thank you because there really is a negative side to all this self improvement industry.
This is pure truth. I have been addicted to self help for last two years, which lead me to unrealistic perspective and expectations.
i love it. good write up . best bit "It’s when you’re reading about the importance of taking action while still not taking action that you run into trouble."
Good piece. Here is the bottom line of self-help that some people just don't get, which I have made my motto: "Go and Do!" Improve yourself, yes, but then get out there and work hard. Start a business. Or put in the extra initiative at work.
Wow everything you said is how my thought process in life. False-reality. Man thank you
First this i did today uninstalled youtube then read this article. Found many points that agree with my views too. Thanks for sharing Klye.
I enjoyed reading your article, it makes sense. I have a close friend who is addicted to self help gurus & spends a lot of money on courses, a lot of them not even started & some never finished or half done. I watched a documentary on Tony Robins, I was bowled over, so I got my kids to watch it. The second time I started to see through what was going on. Then when I googled the documentary there was alot of negative posts about it. I think that a lot of people are bored with their lives & start searching for new meaning & purpose, day to day stuff of yesteryears does not really apply to the world we live in. What I am trying to say is that in the old days people were caught up in the day to day chores of life. A lot of these chores, are no longer needed, due to a world of convenience
Great Article, I really appreciate the references to older philosophers. Simpler notions and the inclusion of Victor Frankl. I'd be interested to read your view on the Happiness polls and Finlands success so far.
Hai, Firstly amazing article... Thought provoking or should say "thought saving". Like all those comments above, I am also an addict (almost). But I still believe in some of the best masterpieces available and genuine people to help you out for (if not all) some of the problems you are suffering with. As far as motivation and inspiration is concerned, some need kick in the butt, some need hug to the chest. And trying out both is what any one do to see where they fit & what that works. In this line, I yet request the author of article Kyle Eschenroeder, to suggest some of they very precise books that can be read which transparent, genuine and "helping". Just to put for the similarity, like from "As a Man Thinketh" to "The Magic of Thinking Big" and to "Daring Greatly".. Something similar or better than these... Please recommend ....
I looked at this article two years ago when my long term relationship with a self help seeker ended. I always felt I wasn’t doing enough to develop myself when in reality I looked after my physical health, spiritual well being and got therapy when I needed it. Mind. Body. Spirit. It isn’t a cliche for a yoga t-shirt. It’s the simple basics for a happy life. I reread this now and it reads even more true to me. Thanks!