I can see how your networking incident could be reverse engineered ... and intentionally applied to build trust.
38 Comments (page 1)
Awesome read, awesomely written. Lots of nuggets to take away and more to come back to reabsorb.
your latest post on honesty is pretty spot on and applicable to a lot of things. a surprising amount of things. you're an extremely spiritual guy. i'm a fan of your writings and posts. thanks for providing value in a lot of ways. i feel if you boiled both of us down to a philosophical roux we'd vibe on fairly similar frequencies. i think having a good conversation with you and will someday is on my bucket list. "The world isn’t hungry for perfection; it’s hungry for authenticity. For someone to trust—not worship. Be professional, know your shit, do your best, and then be human." "Honesty begets honesty." yeah i've noticed people are mirrors, but they're also reverse mirrors. it's an interesting thing. while practicing the skill of speaking my mind with no hesitation, i ran across a black guy at night that could have probably pushed my shit in. he asked for a cigarette. the first thing i thought of i said, which was, "nah man, i don't have a cigarette, but i hope you get your head screwed on straight." he immediately said "whatchu say?" in a pretty "i'mma beat your ass black and blue" kinda tone. his energy got all high and frantic. fantastic. exactly what i've been looking for. a situation that would challenge my emotional bearings. as my heart beat faster i slowly turned around, slowly looked at him and i slowly repeated what i said. "i said i hope you get your head screwed on straight. my dad has been trying to quit all his life and he hates cigarettes. just hoping for the best for you man." i know in my heart of hearts i mean no ill will to anybody, so there is no reason for me to show guilty body language behavior for the things i say, such as stuttering or denying utterances, both being courses of action which would have probably lead to him beating my shit in. i've also noticed that high frantic manic energy has a strong tendency to get absorbed by slow moving assured energy. i suppose that's what i mean by people being reverse mirrors. it's also why deadpan is my preferred and best form of humor. noticing these things has also benefited my dating skills forsure. after he heard my response along with my reasoning as to why i said that to him, the black guy calmed down and confessed that he had been trying to quit recently as well, and connected with me a bit. we then went our separate ways. and i felt much more successful than i would have if i had instigated a fight with him. it's easy to say fuck it and just fight. but this path is not sustainable nor is it consistent with the levels of satisfaction and joy it brings to my life. there's something beautiful about finding more positive alternatives to me though, even if it may seem harder at times. what i've more recently found is that it's actually easier as i continue, just as anything is, since everything is a skill that can be developed imo, even shitting. “Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.” – Emerson i'd say my self esteem is way too high. but it works in a strange way. it's only high because i honestly think everybody is the shit in their own way and i see the potential for great connection and good times with everybody, and if not with me, definitely with someone else, which is also a great thing. people tend to feel this from me. suddenly me seeing them as the shit makes them see me as the shit. and then we're both the shit. and then we're both having a really good time together. i went to a convention called sakuracon (an anime convention) for the first time this year even though i've always been a weeaboo to a degree. it was interesting. after more than one person telling me that hanging out with me one on one has brought them out of an intense/severe depression or that our time together was in a way the best they've ever felt in their life up to this point, platonically (why isn't this a word) or romantically, i was elated but it also made me rethink why exactly people tell me this. it is probably because, as one friend knighted me, i am like a mobile sakura con. i noticed at sakura con some core desires of human beings and why sakura con is so successful. it is a stereotype that most people that go to anime conventions are lacking on the emotional stability side. those people feel the strongest me vs them mentality (i've noticed people that feel connected with others tend to be also more emotionally stable. those that feel the least connected with others tend to be depressed.) in their lives, few people tend to acknowledge, celebrate, and accept their existence. but all they have to do is dress up as their favorite character, go to the con, and suddenly- random people start hi 5'ing them, giving them hugs, and recognizing their character, etc. their existence becomes acknowledged, celebrated, and accepted. i realized that i do this to people, but to them themselves. not their favorite character. a shocking feeling that many people do not typically get. a fragment of the universe (me) celebrating who they are and what they're about, while relating to their flaws and accepting them for who they are with no judgement. and in them exposing the story of their fascinating lives, i am constantly humbled and educated, while i make friends with them in the process. i see everyone eye to eye firmly, i do not believe any one being is above another or below. i've observed everybody wants a friend, not someone that needs them to lead, nor someone that needs them to follow. that one quote comes to mind. you've probably heard of it. i don't really know how i went on his tangent but i figure you'd find enjoyment in reading this type of material anyway. perhaps it's me being honest with myself and my desire to connect with a jolly looking white guy that that feels like me in a lot of ways, and his friend that reminds me of a type of person i've noticed i am attracted to in the platonic sense. it's actually kind of surreal to see you and will give off such similar vibes my cousin and i perpetuate. thank you guys for existing.
Thanks for sharing this here Samuel!!! Read your stories again... so badass
Glad you liked it, see you when you come back :)
lol you're absolutely right. If only I were that good...
I write in my About page and in my posts when I'm consulting for a company and highlighting its product. Being an Authority Affiliate by actually working X amount of hours a week with the products you highlight is a great way to go. I've been fortunate enough to get hired by companies I like, and then providing that insight no other publisher can b/c nobody else is having drinks and meetings with the CEO, CFO, COO, etc.
The deeper I delve into my business, I find honesty plays a huge role in winning people over. I'm not an "expert". But, I know a hell of a lot about my niche and work hard at bringing success to my clients. This is a great read. Thanks for posting.
Awesome! I agree, we work really closely with all of our affiliates because of that exact reason.
Exactly! You don't need to be an "expert" if you know what you're talking about
Very interesting. I've listened to your webinars on selling on Amazon and you very straightforward instruct people to lie to the representatives of the various foreign sellers in China. You instruct your students to say they are a secretary or someone other than who they are. You also instruct them to tell the sellers that you have offices all over the US when trying to get a good deal on acquiring sample products. How do you reconcile that with this article?
Okay, I honestly can say that after I listened to the webinar and then I listened to myself I realized that no matter what money, getting wealth from importing from China is not going to fill me up. So I am sticking with my small business of making toys and rocking horses myself. Because my joy and true fulfillment lies in making things, not in reselling them, even though sanding the wood gives me bloody blisters on my hands for days and figuring out the right way to apply paint on them takes like 10 times longer than I expect it. And I did not start making any money yet form it, after I've invested so much into materials and supplies. But anyway, I feel I will be happier in my heart making much less from this than from making lots through importing to Canada from China. And I thought that I unsubscribed from your newsletters. But there was one more from Kyle just now :) But by God, Kyle, while I was reading your article you kept touching my heart and my solar plexus chakras (the one just where our stomach is :)) with your articles so deeply. Noone else did it before. Hmmm... Thank yoU! :) <3 I can feel that you are much more than a business person, and I can't find the right word to describe what I perceive you to be. Someone very rare and very generous. Someone who has a gift of appreciation for things that are much more precious than $$$. May all the Good Forces of the Universe support you with every step of your Way!
Very profoundly observed and written. Thank yoU!
This might as well have been written by Ghandi or Seth Godin (wait, they kinda look alike, hmmmmm.) Anyway, brilliant. P.S. Money loves speed, but truth....
Thanks so much for the kind words Mary! I'm so grateful to reach your tummy chakra :) Really glad we snuck one more email to you!
Jordan, I left an earlier comment concerning the webinar that you sponsored with the Startup Bros. This article is all about honesty (as is how you portray your business) and yet during the webinar the presenters blatantly instruct people to lie about who they are (possibly a secretary) and about how many locations you have when trying to acquire product samples. I like the information you provide but this is so hypocritical....is it not?
Jordan Malik just commented on my blog post! YEeeeehaww!!! I love that image, StartupZap should pick it up :)
It was good to read and learning the different aspects of honesty. I have always looked at honesty as a kind of humility.
Very insightful and thorough, thank you for sharing. I am in an industry where dishonesty (along with false embellishment, omission and inflated egos) is almost expected and assumed par for the course. I've never been good with doing business that way, and in the end am glad to have been able to successfully navigate the treacherous shark-infested waters while keeping my integrity intact. I have not only been able to accomplish great things, associate with like-minded friends and business associates, but (best of all) can wake up each day feeling good about who I am. I like the Picasso quote. Another expression I really like regarding honesty is that "Honesty Without Compassion is Just Cruelty" (not sure who to attribute that to). Cheers!
Good seeing you over here too Roberto! I love the honesty as humility idea... I think there's a lot to it.
I love that expression! That sums up what I was trying to point at. Congratulations on doing the hard works that integrity requires :)
When I saw how long your article was I wasn't going to read it all, just skim through it but I became well and truly hooked; I kept nodding my head each time that something you wrote resonated with me.Thank you for your insightful words, you seem wise beyond your years. In truth, my own honesty and integrity has been called into question so many times in my life and in several instances, my stance seems to attract the very people that no one would wish in their lives. This has lead me to dream of eventually living in a lighthouse out at sea with the dingy tied to my tiny jetty; if someone wants to see me it will be my decision as to whether I will row to the mainland and pick them up. I suspect that I won't have many visitors sharing a cup of tea with me.
I know Kyle and Will you want to encompass all religions and peoples of the world. Yes thus the truth. Honest is Godly hence it will produce fruitful results. Like you wrote in shot term one might think they made a mistake to be honest about a situation but that which is dishonest will still bear a bad fruit. You plant grapes you get grapes nothing like harvesting Apples from a grape plant. These are natural laws. Honest is of God and will surely bear the fruits of progress. You have well explained it.
"If you’ve ever been to a webinar, you know that the presenter usually spends an hour or two pretending to educate you while actually just teasing you in hopes that you’ll be frustrated enough to buy the damn thing. --So true. People responded like crazy" --Haha. Yes, I remember checking out your webinar, and being extremely impressed, and I'm not even part of your target audience for it! You've done a terrific job over the last year with building the importing courses from the initial article by Will.
You're my new favorite author Mr Kyle!
It *would* be pretty crazy to live in a lighthouse... I'm glad you got hooked :)
Never thought of it like that, thanks Robert :)
5000 words, I've read it all and was so refreshing. Thank you so much! Always a good test: ‘if one can look into a mirror and honestly see what’s within and feel peace in heart’ – they are on a right track – if something feels uneasy, it’s time to look around and see where one fell off the track and fix it, finding the azimuth again
Indeed! Thanks for the additions Zuzana!!
Institutionalizing the thing :) Lol
Wow...I guess there is no comment for only my questioning comments. Your actions are much like a politician, that is you say all sorts of nice things but your actions are quite to the contrary. A politician can say they are leading the most transparent administration ever when in actuality they hide most everything but many people will tend to believe what they say because they don;t really pay much attention. You've done the same. You write extensively about honesty (and its attributes) but blatantly instruct people to be dishonest and think nothing of it...and you're applauded for it. Very sad but hopefully you'll change your tactics and instruction in the future.
Great point! This is where things get murky. Did you know that Laurence Fishbourne lied about his age to get a role in Apocalypse Now? He said he was 17 when he was younger. The movie took so long to get going that he was actually 17 by the time they filmed. He wanted the best for his career and he wanted to do a great job in the movie. All Coppola wanted was to make a great film. The 17 year old restriction was bureaucratic BS... There are a million stories like this. People fibbing a little bit to get their foot in the door and really perform. At the end of the day, everyone is happy they fibbed. They honestly wanted the best for all involved. One of my friends started his company from nothing. Taking out expensive loans each time he wanted to make a new order from China. In order to get going he had to tell lies or stretch the truth to his manufacturer. Now he is doing $20 million a year and accounts for almost ALL of that manufacturer's business. He even helped the owner of that factory by a home here... right next to his own. When we tell clients to say they're the secretaries/etc (technically they ARE...) we aren't having them scam anyone. We're helping them start a business that they want to grow into something amazing that is profitable for the manufacturers. The manufacturers WANT to provide opportunities for people serious about building businesses, just like Coppola wanted to make the best film possible. Our clients starting out WANT to make the best business possible and make continually larger orders from the factories. In this case, the 17 year old rule is the factory's default BS detectors. I hope this helps make sense. Technically it may be dishonest in the short-term, but the intentions and outcomes always end up favorably for both parties. And, like the article said, sometimes it's profitable to be dishonest, just not in the long-term. In this case, I don't even think it's bad to be dishonest for a minute.
I really do appreciate you responding...thank you. I understand that there are times when we all stretch the truth but its never a good practice to misinform on purpose. It seems you are of the camp that believes "the end justifies the means" (another of the politician's favorites). That is if you believe it's advantageous to misinform a little it's OK as long as meets your individual, higher, virtuous goal. After all it's for the good of everyone or so you believe. Here's the thing though, every person gets to define what is right in their own mind and therefore (according to your rules) can bend the rules to justify getting what they want. So, (much like politicians) people are "fibbing a little" all over the place to get ahead and attain their wishes or push their agenda. There are many activists and politicians that would agree with you that it's a good thing to lie a little now for a better cause. I totally disagree. I did enjoy most of your webinar and do wish you well. Enjoy your weekend.
well thought out and well written, both of you. this interaction actually is like, gold standard when it comes to two different minds DISCUSSING, not arguing. seeing this made me happy.
Bravo, bravo, bravo to all who have posted so far.... First....to RW....you have expressed my thoughts exactly in an eloquent manner. You would be an interesting person to communicate with about Private Label business. If you are a member of the Mark Scott Adams community (which I will be a member of in 24 hours or less) perhaps we could chat sometime about our business philosophies....I digress.... Meanwhile back at the Ranch....so to speak. Humongous Kudo's to Kyle and Will on their Mind Blowing, Kick Ass, Awesome, Bitchin', Knarley (the last 3 descriptions were used by my teenage son back in the 80's...hehe) 3hr. 57min. webinar. Honestly......during the webinar I learned 2 important things that will be INVALUABLE to the success of my upcoming Private Label business....again....many thanks to Kyle and Will. Of course it goes without saying Kudo's to the man who made it all happen.....Mark Scott Adams. Much success to all in your business future.
So glad you found Will's presentation profitable!
Thanks for the well thought out post and response Kyle. Whatever or whoever inspired it must have been coming from a very vulnerable and emotional place; selfish or not. I read a quote this morning... "Never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people committed to misunderstanding you." Honestly I should have learned this lesson a long time ago. Still I question the validity of it. Honestly explaining who I am and the stories of my being; some that consume me, have often been of profit (emotional, monetary, whatever) for others though incredibly painful for me. So when my honesty is mistaken I do my best to take comfort in the variable of miscommunication. When it comes to certain touchy subjects I've taken to the habit of emailing myself the reality. A silly thing based on a fantasy where someone I dared to love changed details in my email leading me to believe that a dream was a reality. Usually reality is much sadder and harsher than a crazy made up world with rock stars, princesses and superheroes; as you so kindly pointed. The honest questions I ask myself: Does it take more than three visits to Heaven to be considered an Angel? If I have lost two children will the universe ever give me a chance at having a third? If I loved someone who has a ego that is out of this world would I be willing to be alone if he never loved me back? With so many options to make a difference in this world, which one is best for me? Was it the right choice to walk away all the other times? If I had to face Mr. Clean again would I still walk away with $2,500? Was starting over the stupidest or best decision I ever made? Who cares? Thank you for sharing your stories. They often help me to see the sad truth of my life.
Hey Genesis, Those are some big questions. Honesty definitely isn't a cure-all for getting outcomes we want in some circumstances. It's just getting to be the more effective option in most places. You're definitely one of the brave ones!